28 years ago I’d already been in labour for a day, then another before my tama ātaahua arrived. In the old days, we both would’ve died in the process. It was arduous to say the least. Yet this miraculous pēpē I was told I couldn’t have (because of cancer) still came to be with us.
I’ll never forget my first words to him, “Hello Reuben, you beautiful soul.”
For obvious reasons I’ll be offline for a while, walking the grief path that is now so intimately known within me, and (for the most part) remains invisible to others.
It amazes me that each day I can find joy, am able to trust, and continue to love in the ways that I do. That hasn’t stopped. I am glad, in the weirdest of ways, I’ve allowed myself to feel this grief so fully — despite it being uncomfortable for many others. I figure that’s for them to work through, not me.
Nowadays, I don’t define myself by societal labels, whakapapa, orientation, or career – because all of it seems irrelevant. There is only this, I am Iona, Mā to Reuben, and I am able to love fully. I believe aroha is the strongest vibration. And if we can speak and show our love, without censoring it, there will be no regrets.
Reuben and I had (and continue to have) a journey of unconditional aroha, and he will always be the love of my life.
Reuben Samuel Winter 20/05/1994 – 17/09/2020 ~ thank you for being such a beautiful soul xx
Te Reo Māori words: tama ātaahua (beautiful son), pēpē (baby), aroha (love), Mā (Mum), whakaapa (ancestry)
Iona Winter 
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