Iona Winter

Being less able to see the computer screen upon which I spend hours gazing, I thought it best to get my eyesight tested again…it had been a while. My squinting was getting the better of me, not to mention creating unsightly new wrinkles! Reluctantly, like a petulant child I dragged myself off to the Optometrist.

I braced myself for milk bottle lenses (I know they don’t do them any more, but it has always been a secret fear of mine) and said, “I’m having problems seeing things.”

“It’s ok, the optician said, we can sort that out with a new prescription.” She slid in a variety of different lenses until WHAMMO there it was, perfect clear vision!

“Thank you very much, where do I pay?” What I’d forgotten of course, was phase two of the operation – having to choose from a disproportionately large amount of frames. Selecting a pair at random, I recoiled at the price tag – $499 on special!! “Um where are the cheap ones please?”

“We can do a two for one deal today madam,” the assistant advised me.

Of course you can, I thought to myself. “What would I need two pairs for? The optician told me my sight wasn’t bad at all. What do you mean two pairs, are you suggesting that I would lose them?”

“No madam, not at all. How about one pair for reading and another as sunglasses?”

“Ah, now you’re talking,” I said.

OK I’ll be honest, I was anxious to pick up my new specs.  Two weeks later, driving to collect them I worried out loud to myself. Had I made the right choice? Would they look ok? Or had the optician tricked me and prescribed the dreaded milk bottle lenses? Handing over my receipt, I held my breath.

“Madam would you come with me please,” the assistant asked.

I wrung my hands (internally shrieking “Oh god, oh god, what’s wrong?”) and as I sat down in the proffered chair, he smiled, gently placing the new specs over my nose. “Now let’s see if these need any adjusting madam. No, they’re perfect…they look good.”

You know what, he was right, they did look good.  I said my thank you’s and departed tout de suite! In the refuge of my car I took the new specs out of their cases, admiring their shiny sparkle in a slightly deranged way…my precious. Putting the sunglasses on was shocking –  EVERYTHING was crystal clear. “Oh where have you been all my life,” I cried. The fear, anxiety and dread of milk bottles long forgotten I wound down the window and zoomed out of the car park, feeling very flash in my Audrey Hepburn numbers!

Unfortunately, despite being able to see VERY CLEARLY, I must say the wind today is making a terrible mess of my hair – what’s a woman to do?