Iona Winter

One night last week, I was having a very pleasant dream (unicorns and rainbows you know the kind of thing) it was a very blissful sleep. Shockingly (but not surprisingly) I was woken by the sound of the dogs next door barking. What followed was the most horrible sound, right outside my bedroom window…a cold chill ran down my back. Something was up. Eeeww yuck and it was freaking me out.  

In suburbia, our neighbours (bless them) have taken it upon themselves to own not one BUT TWO Scottish terriers, little yappy ones. One black and the other white. You might think harmony, balance perhaps, but no I liken these to the hounds of hell. These animals are obviously angst ridden as they run in circles around their pocket handkerchief sized back yard. They bark ALL the time and at pretty much ANYTHING – most annoying! Actually,my theory is that these dogs are probably somewhat mad. I would be angry and aggressive if my legs were telling me to RUN…RUN…RUN around Scottish highlands, amongst heather and bracken, and I was confined to nothing more than three square metres of grass to exercise my little limbs. I figure I’d be mad as hell!

BUT can’t their owners hear them? Aren’t they just as frustrated as we are, at being woken up regularly throughout the night – almost every night? Don’t they have any kind of neighbourly feeling? Aren’t they embarrassed at their dogs behaviour? Hang on a minute, that’s right, their bedrooms are at the front of the house (very convenient). AND these are the things that I would worry about, clearly we’re very different people! I wouldn’t have dogs in the city anyway. I think I can afford to be righteous about this, given the circumstances.

Back to the dogs barking very loudly and ferociously (little dogs can pull that off you know – you’d be surprised) outside my bedroom window. After eighteen months of hearing the poor wee beggars going off at all hours I (for the most part) try to tune them out while sleeping. I’ve had to, for my own sanity…and to avoid black circles beneath my eyes. But after the dogs’ racket (and this was the chilling part) came the other noise…the unearthly sounds I mentioned earlier. I can’t begin to describe the creeping feeling on my skin, even now. It sounded like a cat sounded was dying outside, a terrifying painful sound and the dogs….the bloody dogs, no bigger than a cat themselves, were howling like banshees in response.

Now I grew up semi-rural, so I know the nocturnal noises of cats having sex and possums growling – this wasn’t that noise! What should I do?

• NOTHING!
• What about the cat (if there was one)?
• Should I jump over the fence and rescue it (the cat)?
• What if the dogs attacked me? Fat chance.
• What if the neighbour came out with a gun? Not that we really have a gun issue in New Zealand, but it did cross my mind at 4am! But the neighbour is not particularly friendly….maybe that’s why the dogs are unhappy, because he is.

After what seemed like hours of ambivalence, humming and haa-ing about what to do, I just pulled the pillow up over my ears, none too comfortable I can tell you (the crick is still in my neck). I prayed and prayed for the cat to stop making the ungodly noise and it did – just like that! Perhaps it had managed to stop dying or maybe I’d just imagined it all – a bad dream. Talking myself into the latter option I went back to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning I thought I’d have a wee look outside the window though, you know just to check. Alas I’m 5’1 at best and couldn’t manage it, even standing on a chair (the window is very high). So I went outside (moving stealthily like a ninja) and peeked through the fence – nothing. I felt relief. I scanned the property for signs of cat as I left for work. Nothing. Perhaps it was a dream. Wouldn’t that be a relief?

On my return home (that evening) I noted the neighbour had a lot of water running from the path out back. My over active imagination began cranking up. Maybe he’d been cleaning up some carnage? Getting rid of the evidence. The dogs were silent….not a peep. Maybe the neighbour was feeling embarrassed and had locked them inside. That would be good.

A few nights of sleep, blessed sleep…..all was quiet.

1am YAP YAP YAP (x 100)! The dogs were back. I sat up in bed, shouting expletives (very unlike me) but perhaps it was (again) nothing more than a dream, because I couldn’t remember all of it this morning. Suffice to say, today I am struggling with the dilemma of whether to confront the neighbour about his dogs – or not. Maybe I could ring Noise Control instead and let them sort it out!