Iona Winter

Most days, I am struck repeatedly (no pun intended) by mainstream media’s words and images from other countries, where sexual violence atrocities towards women and children continue to happen.

It’s very easy to turn our western faces towards these countries or cultures, cast judgements or express concern, all the while ignoring what’s occurring in our own backyards.

There is a Māori proverb, Mātua whakapai i tōu marae, ka whakapai ai i te marae o te tangata. First clean up your own house, before looking to that of another.

For most of my life I’ve been vigilant (in a non-martyred way), around maintaining the fences in my neighbourhoods. I am speaking metaphorically of course. Those things you hear about ‘over there’ also happen here. It’s all the same. Sexual violence happens EVERYWHERE.

Years ago, my job was to speak publicly about my own experiences. That ruffled a few feathers I can tell you! Those of you who know me, know but a fraction of these things. BUT this isn’t about me. It’s about ALL of us. AND it’s about speaking up.

While for most it’s off the list for polite dinner conversation, I think perhaps it ought to be normalised as a relevant and interesting topic. The social is the political.

With sexual violence, the resulting trauma is multi-faceted. A plethora of social problems stem from trauma. So many—I lose count. AND any form of sexual abuse is traumatic and violent, AND it has nothing to do with sex (just for the record).

The aftermath of sexual trauma never goes away. It’s not something you just get over. Healing takes time and there are always invisible scars.

I have no desire to clock up brownie points for the life hereafter, but I’ve got a sense of what needs to be done and will continue to do it. Right here in my very own neighbourhood. I love my work and the privilege of walking with survivors through sometimes-desolate landscapes, to a place where trusting again seems possible.

Oh how I wish I could involve myself in every cause that comes my way. Don’t get me wrong, if your cause is freeing chickens from cages that’s fantastic! It means that you are taking care of that business, and I can continue with mine.

One day I hope that I am made redundant, for the reason that sexual violence no longer occurs in my neighbourhood. Until that time, when we all live in a world where love, compassion and safety are priorities, I will continue to speak up—because I cannot remain silent about what is occurring in my very own backyard.

Please don’t be offended if you come for dinner and we talk about it. It’s on my list of conversation-starters.