Iona Winter

Someone I love dearly suffers (at times) from severe mental health issues. They are often rendered invisible, due to keeping a brave face on. I wish they didn’t have to do that, because then people think they’re ok all the time.

Sure sometimes they are ok, achieving the most wonderful things, but the darkness is often lurking. Some people seem to forget this fact and are disappointed when the distress returns. I am not. What saddens me is that this person, who does battle with demons on a regular basis, is largely unsupported.

The best way I can help is by NOT pretending that everything is ok and blithely forgetting to see how they are. I choose not to ignore this person, and keep my wits about me noticing the signs, the distancing and the avoidance which spells, “I’m actually not doing so well”.

Maybe there are a few people who don’t know about mental health issues, because they’ve never experienced them. I haven’t met one yet, but for the benefit of generosity let’s say they exist. I cannot expect these people to understand. BUT the majority of us DO know SOMETHING about it.

I’ve lost count of the times people have said, “It could be worse.” What’s that supposed to mean? It just makes me want to scream. OF COURSE it could be worse, but it could also be a damn sight better! Why say these things to people who are struggling, it only silences them further.

We all have our challenges in life, but to compare them to another’s only minimises the experience. If someone with mental health issues has the guts to confide in you, for godsake take them seriously and let them say what they feel. Even if you completely disagree—a word of advice: hold your tongue.

If you think the distress is just a passing phase, that’s what I call magical thinking. When I’ve challenged people who believe this phenomenon, I’m sometimes met with judgmental responses. This possibly relates to an inability to own their crap, because they’d rather run a mile from it. Go figure.

I’ve had my own struggles and am the first to admit it. My honesty has often gotten me into hot water, in that I am judged for it. I can understand why my darling person (with said issues) chooses to remain mostly quiet. The risks involved with speaking up are immense. BUT the results of being supported, by people who care and love us, are profound. I wouldn’t change my past for anything–it helped me grow.

This person I love never leaves my consciousness, and they know that they can call me or come over anytime. I am inspired, challenged and loved by them. We both know it is not an easy road, but it is their road, and I am happy to walk it with them until I leave this world.

Who will pick up where I leave off? I wonder these things in the bright sunlight. Will anyone else be able to put their stuff aside, and listen openly with love?

My hope is that others will, because my person is amazing, blessed and beautiful and I want the world to see that too. There is no time limit for getting well and it is MY responsibility to NOT stand by and watch them bleed.