Iona Winter

Often I hear people say, “I know everything about her (or him).”

How is that even possible?

As humans, we assume a lot about each other, loosely based on the small percentages we actually know about. But all we’re doing is assuming—aka hypothesising, surmising, guessing, or simply making things up.

I can’t claim to know ‘everything’ about another person—even if I’ve known them my whole life. Our relationship is just one, in a matrix of many others. We don’t spend every waking (or sleeping) moment together. I mean, if I was around someone else 24/7 for a whole lifetime, I still couldn’t claim to know everything about them, because our internal worlds are separate and (potentially) very different.

This also goes for being a health professional. If I spend only one hour a week with someone, how on earth can I claim to know ‘everything’ (or even very much) about what’s going on for them? It’s impossible, I can’t. I can only respectfully hypothesise. To do otherwise would be negligent and arrogant. Fact.

My point is that what we know, and cannot know, about someone else (or ourselves) is limited. There are things about me, that nobody else knows. Sure, there are (some) things that people do know, and (some) things they know (about me) that I don’t know (or perhaps don’t want to acknowledge just yet) about myself. AND THEN there’s the BIG unknown. It’s true, information is seriously hazy at this point. This would be a great time NOT to assume, don’t you think? Hmm.

Sometimes all that can be done is to take a deep breath, and plunge into the (murky) unknown depths, or run screaming for the hills (veiled in mist). Mostly I plunge into the depths, wearing a wetsuit deftly woven from a mix of trepidation and curiosity. Besides, I don’t have a pair of sturdy enough shoes to head for the hills (and I’m screaming-averse).

What I do know is that making assumptions doesn’t work. FULL STOP. As I’ve grown older (and possibly wiser, although I can’t lay claim to that either) I assume less. Another thing I’ve noticed is, that with practice, it’s become easier to pause, reflect and expand my awareness. All I do is take a deep breath. Go on, try it, you may even like it.

Ah but now I hear you say, ‘Wait. I don’t have the time for this navel-gazing exercise – I’m far too busy.’ Dear readers, there is always time to pause—if we allow ourselves to do so. The barriers which prevent us from doing so, are often self-constructed. Why not take a moment right now, and reflect upon your own relationship with assumptions? Maybe you could ask yourself (with respect and compassion), is this really my (or someone else’s) truth?

And remember, at the end of the day, You and I are the only people who know the most about ourselves—we are our own experts and adventurers!