Iona Winter

This week I was asked to provide some written feedback. Easy right? Well no, not really. I was extremely conflicted.

Part of me felt that it was vital to give feedback, given the situation (which I won’t get into here). It also seemed expected from me. But the other part of me didn’t want to at all. I experienced a digging-my-toes-in-resounding NO, that echoed throughout my cells – from the tips of my tippy-toes to the (ahem) emerging grey hairs on my head.

It’s taken me a week to make a decision. Odd, for someone who is usually rather decisive. Blame the moon, or the planets, or the heat, or the lack of water, blame something. NO. No blame. But I’ve had to listen to the NO in me.

As a lifelong campaigner for the underdog, voice for the vulnerable, general slayer of dragons and repeller of Shelob-esque spiders, most people who know me would expect me to give feedback. It’s what I do. Not this time my friends. The campaign is running to a close, for now. The shop is shutting itself up and I am looking forward to a (metaphorical) holiday.

In the dark recesses of my mind, I’m aware that I am awaiting my own feedback, from said university examiners. I’m ready to receive rather than give. “For a change,” I can hear several people echo (we both know who you are). These kinds of things can take a VERY LONG TIME for me to get my head around. It’s because I’m superbly competent at being a giver. It’s ok to receive, it’s ok to receive, it’s ok to receive…you get the picture, or should I say mantra.

As someone who feels deeply connected to the earth, her energies, and those of others, I realise that this is why I’m not giving feedback. To do so would continue a flow of something I’d be better off without. And besides, while deliberating during the week I heard very loud wind instruments trumpeting, alongside very serious voices that bellowed, “Cut all ties and move on. Let it go.” Who on earth could tolerate that cacophony for long! Not me.

So I am heeding my own internal warning system (thanks for the music peeps) and listening. I’m also trusting that somebody else will give the required feedback, when the time is right. It will not be something I feel compelled to do (this time). How marvellous to have choices! My time is certainly best spent in the sun (on my metaphorical holiday). Watch this space!